Oh Lord!...

Well, I couldn't find any justifiable place to throw this in in my previous post, but today, my friends, is the last day! I tell you this, Jesus definitely answers prayer and when you realize that He answered something you were praying for, it strikes you happily. I laughed when I realized a decision I had made was His answer to my prayer for it was only through prayer that I make decisions. So...in the end, Jesus continues to amaze and humor me.

Hey y'all, I'm doing homework, lots of homework...

Still lovin' those "...'s". Anywho, I am here in the office, like I have been for 2 and 1/2 hours. For an hour of that, I thought it would be alright to hang tight and do some college searching, well, I've been at my outline for an 1 1/2 and only have 6 of 10 pages done. Hmmm...this ratio nearly guarantees an additional tedious hour to rereading notes. Next time, I think I'm just going to write them on one side of the paper. Sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, eh? Well, I think I'm headed toward the Colorado-ness that is Colorado. There are 2, perhaps 3, very agreeable candidates for Student Crystal. The Art Institute, some school in Boulder, and another on in Denver. We'll see, eh? Programs don't start until Octubre, so I am staying put here until late-late September it seems! Which I am pretty excited about, especially with summer coming up! So many more ministry opportunities when you have your own abode, plus, I don't think I'd feel comfy living in dorms with RA's and dorm 'rents. It might be cool, but far as I can see, all of them, and I mean ALL of them are going to be younger than I am. Well, it wouldn't be so bad, but I'd rather call my place "my own". Well, "God's own". I'm just the steward. We shall see, eh? Lots of prayer. Well, I guess that's the latest news. That and I have so far received 2- 100% on Trig. quizzes and a 98% on our first test! I am pretty psyched and as I learn more of this thing called Trigonometry, I am furtherly drawn to numbers and find excitement in homework...hmmm...homework. I think that is one of my most fav parts of school, besides going to class. Yes, I love our educational system (???) and I love going to school. I even have one of those stickers you're supposed to stick on your car window that says the name of the school you attend. Mmmm-hmm...certified school nerd, right here. Bring it on!
Well, I must go and continue the silliness that is my outline.

"He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." - Proverbs 10:17

Discipline is not inherited...

"Since then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
-Colossians 3:1-4

Mmmm...soul food. I read a bit of this this morning in my devo and plan on doing more study with it, I've been prompted to find out what it means to live a life of "godliness" or "holiness" and this chapter is titled "Rules for Holy Living", how God-answering is that?
So I have been working hard at being disciplined and find it amazing that discipline in one area of your life definitely starts to trickle into other areas of your life until you are submerged in whatever it is you're trying to accomplish, or not accomplish. It could go backwards and say you're into partying and such...it will eventually seep into all the other areas whether you like it or not, your thinking, mental capabilities, emotions, etc. will all end up wrapped around what you don't want. Don't know if that makes sense, maybe I'll go back and expand, but I just love what God has been teaching me and how I am learning to lean on Him. Discipline is amazing and I love it and am excited to see what's going to happen these next few weeks. But it's still difficult and trying and challenging, I won't deny it, it's really hard to be disciplined, but the benefits are so worth it, eh? But you also need to have a plan for it, b/c if you don't than you probably won't follow through, y'know? I tend to get intimidated when I don't have a plan b/c it looks too big, or I don't get motivated to do anything b/c I don't have a plan which usually includes goals. If you don't have goals, than what are you trying to accomplish and where are you planning on going? I don't know, but I like goals, as long as it doesn't make you OCD or push God out. Keep it all God-centered and kosher, always keeping your eyes and direction on Christ. Yeppers, that is all.

hmmm...

So, on my poetry site, I realized, I've been posting quite a bit of other's works, I may just have to start a 5th blog...3 blogs and a xanga= 4 on-line journals....add 1 and 4 and you get....? 5.

considering rubbish...

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ...I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him." Phil. 3:7, 8b-9a

Well, there it is. Part of my new year verse. The last few years, my verse has been 1 Cor 2:9. I added one on, I hope that's okay with y'all! *wink* Today has been good so far. I wrote my g-ma's and my cousin's b-day cards and got them in the mail! yay! I also sent out my application for a trip to Mexico (I win!) on a missions trip and just finished the support letter to give to my local home church. So, I think it's pretty good! But, much prayer will bathe it before I give it to the committee tomorrow. I still get nervous about stuff like this! Whew!
Okay, so God has really been teaching some neat stuff...here's a few:
I was walking to work this morning and saw my footprints from last night (from walking home) and started to walk in my old footprints. It was not that hard, but I noticed that all of my concentration and my attention went into that. Before I was enjoying the scenery, praying, etc. and now I was just looking for my old footprint and trying to walk in it. Is that what happens when we look behind us and dwell on our pasts? We become consumed with what was instead of what is or what will be. The anticipation of the next step not knowing where it will lead you is gone because all of the sudden you are concentrating with all of your effort on redoing the past, so backwards!
I was also praying for those ppl who are out in the world, making any difference for Christ and prayed that they would find their identity in Christ, in who made them, not in who followed them. We can get so caught up in serving other people and doing good things for the world, that we start to live to please them and we forget who we follow and who we really are. Our jobs and professions become our identity and they start to define us. Even one of my teachers was mentioning that she felt defined by what she did. So many ppl get caught in this trap and when they lose something that forms their indentity, they lose themselves b/c they don't really know who or whose they are. Jesus knew who He was; He knew whose He was. He even took breaks from those who followed or served Him to concentrate completely on who He followed. Christ kept His focus on who He followed, not who followed Him. Christ didn't find His identity in who followed Him, He found it in who He followed.
So, who are you following? You can check by thinking about what you would think of who you are if all is "stripped away." There's nothing else to define you. Not even your name.

this post dedicated to Dalton...

Okay, Daltonator, this one's for you!

The darker you are, the hotter you are. Look at asphalt...it's so hot you can't stand on it barefoot and it will melt you shoes even! If you wear a black t-shirt on a sunny day, man oh man, you get hot! If you're driving a black car with black leather interior (both very high-class), even hotter, things get so hot, they get steamy, you have to open a window, air-conditioner required!
So, in conclusion, we're all friends and we're all hot! But the point of it all, is that it's natural, we didn't go tanning to get our hotness. That is the point of it all.
Dalton, my good friend, this one was for you! =)

hypothesis confirmed...

boys are silly. It's true. It was confirmed again this afternoon. Well, actually, I just looked up the definition of silly, just to see what it meant, boys aren't silly, well, some are, because they do indeed lack seriousness, I don't know what boys are, I need to ponder awhile. Anywho, in other news, I was just visited by a friend from the Windy City and wootwoot! It was fun! She and her mother stopped in on the way to drop her off in Cali! Woot woot! But they are sooo cute, I just love them. They drove down with me to see my trailor as well and I had to sit on her b/c they had no more room in the car! It reminds me of the good 'ol days, jampacking cars full of ppl. More than once I was sitting on someone or laying on ppl b/c of lack of room! Good time good times! Well, I must say that my vigor from the last post has settled a bit and I feel the pull towards culinary school once again. I really do want to go, I love being in the kitchen and feeding ppl and making stuff that makes ppl say, "Oh, thank you!" It just makes me smile! =) I s'pose I want more than that though. I still want adventure and to be outside. Switchfoot made a song that talks about looking at the stars and feeling like himself when he does so. I have to say, I look at the stars and everything around me is forgotten. I stare up at them in awe and usually say, "wow." I love God so much and He has made so many beautiful things. I want to enjoy them, take advantage of them, but how do I incorporate that into working long hours in the culinary field? I just don't know. How does one find balence in such a state? Cooking is my dream and a passion, but is that all there is going to be? I hope to continue going on missions trips and going abroad as well. I know that I want to keep doing that. I just love it. Traveling and meeting new ppl and making it happen, I want life and I want it abundantly, but I also know that God has a plan and all I have to do is trust in Him and in His good timing it will come about. I have to trust Him for what I want, b/c only He really knows. Peace out, friends.

adventures in the daily life of me...

I think I like putting "..." at the end of all my titles, it's like time, it's there and there's more, that's not all there is. Yeah.
Anywho, I went shopping and got some shrimp and pineapple and "every good thing" as Lydia would say in Pride and Prejudice. Man, I don't feel so hot today, I have a crazy-mean headache and it's not making me feel all good. But, what you gonna do? I had my first test in Fundamentals of Human Communication, that teacher is way nice and pretty open, I hear she's been through alot. She's cool though. I really like all of my teachers this semester, it's good. I don't think I've had a teacher I didn't like yet! Wootwoot!
In other news, I'm going to talk about boys....yesterday I was helping out with some stage building stuff for the school play I'm helping out with and there's this guy there, a Frosh, I later find out, but we're chatting and stuff and I'm talking and asking questions and I find it quite humorous, than he tells me that he moved here b/c he's a troublemaker...oh man. When I talk about waiting for my ride, cause he asked when I was leaving, I said I didn't know when my ride would get there and he's like, "I can give you a ride home." I was thinking, "Sure buddy, sure, you tell me you're a rebel, you're not listening to the instructions that the teacher is giving us, and I just met you, I think I'll wait for my ride." Here's the kicker....this girl walks in to find out if we need help with anything and she's helping us out, when we leave she's like, "He's cute. You should hit on him!" I was like, "sure, I'll beat him up for you, what'd he do?" No, not really, but I was like, "I'm not gonna hit on him. He's like 18." She's like, "So? Age is of little matter." Uh, yeah, if I wanted to date a kid, I would start going to high school again. And I was like, "He's probably not a Christian either." Hence we start chatting about other things, etc., etc.
Today: this guy in my class ends up sitting at my table, I usually sit alone in the front row (man, I love the front row in classrooms, right up there where the action is and no heads in front of me) and he keeps glancing over at me. We both end up in the library doing computer stuff, we make conversation and he tells me about this time he stayed up all night and got really drunk and than went to work and all this stuff and when he told me he was getting wasted he sort of looked at me like, "oh yeah." (I don't really know what that look means except that I interpret it as a "you should be impressed" sort of look.) I was amused and wanted to ask him, "If that's what you do to impress girls, you need to work on your pick-up lines. Here's a few..."
Conclusion: boys are silly. Not like, funny silly, but silly as in I'm not the kind of girl you romance with stories about how you've been in jail (maybe he went to jail), how many tatoos you have, or how wasted you got a few weeks ago (I really don't know how long ago that was, but he said he doesn't do that anymore) Both really nice guys, they have potential for growth. Now, show me your motorcycle while carrying a Bible and some high quality dark chocolate, I'll be there....oh, I crack myself up!
I also went to Happy Heart or something, it's a health food store and met this lady there who found me "cute" and said she wanted to take me home and "raise me." Now the thought crossed my mind, "How old does she think I am." (please do not picture me with a condescending voice, it's merely a question.) I was wearing pigtails. Hey, I am pretty cute though...! *wink* Have a good night y'all!

More randomness, though not as perky...

Life is just full of the unexpected. One thing you never really expect is disappointment. But I guess that's why it's disappointment, because you didn't expect it. It didn't meet your expectations or your assumptions, right. Anywho, disappointment is painful. Or when you receive information that doesn't make you happy, but makes you feel deceived and alone. Life is full of this up and down business. It depends on how you handle it. Will you get angry? Will you swear off the world? Will you hole up and never let it go? Or will you give it to God and release it to Him, knowing that He has a plan in mind specifically for you?
I've had ever so many disappointments and sometimes it's as though my world has ended and I don't know what I will ever do with myself. I feel burdened and betrayed. But I've given it all to God knowing that He has a plan and whatever it was that I thought I needed/wanted at the time, will give way to greater things. The experience was perhaps a tool for growth or for lessons which will travel with you far longer than the desire or the disappointment ever will. Though I feel very close with God, there are still things I thought were right, notions or thought patterns, whatever, which came to clarity that it was not to be so. Dreams can fail you or die because the chance has gone past or you've grown out of it. But there's always hope. Hope for something better and for the plans God has yet to unfold. I feel so grown, yet the time for mourning is not yet over. In fact, it has probably just begun.

this is my heart spilling all over...

Phillipians 3:7-11NIV: "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Okay, so I've been on the warpath for awhile trying to find more options for the future and after reading and finishing John Ethridges (sp?) "Dare to Desire", man, that book totally got me pumped. There is so much more out there and we aren't even grasping for it....well at least most ppl aren't. But I ...totally lost my train of thought....hmm....ahh! This is frustrating. Anywho, I talked to Kacy last night and we got to talking as women do, and talking about (oh I got it!) our futures and in the book "D to D", he kept asking me (or the general reader), "What do you want?" Man, I've been asked that question before and it scares me everytime, why? Not completely sure. Maybe it's letting others know what you want, maybe, most likely, I really don't know what I want and that's what scares me. I'm only 22. I am so young and life is still chock-full of adventures, well it always will be, but yeah, this is an amazing revelation for me. I want adventure. I want to get out there and live on the edge and I want to be swept along in God's ways and in His will for me. That's what I want. I want to be so tight with God that ppl automatically look at me and they see Jesus first, they don't see me. I want what God's wants for me, only He knows my innermost desires and though I might think I know what I want, I really won't know unless I completely give all to God and wait for Him to guide me. That's what I want.
While I was talking to Kacy, I said, "I know what I want, but I don't know what I am supposed to do." I think that really hit me, I had to write it down. Why, b/c it's true. There's so much that I know I want, or even need, but what did God make me for? Why am I here? I don't think I will be satisfied to sit at a desk and type e-mails for ppl, I much prefer snail mail myself, but I won't be satisfied working in a kitchen for 15 hours a day and I know that is what the life of a professional chef/baker would be. I want to be good at everything, but I want to be great at loving God. I don't really know what happened this last weekend, but I feel so alive, like words can't be typed fast enough to get out all that I have to share. There's so much inside of me. I know this is all jumbled, but hey, does it really matter? This is what I know, I know that I don't want to be an average American who blends into society and makes their days full of meaningless things like paper and scrubbing toilets, though they both have their benefits. I want to live an adventure every day out in that big thing called the world and I want to do it with God's blessing and through His power, whether or not there be someone by my side, or rather I am by someone's side. (that's a whole nother issue). I want to live with my desire and for what I was meant to live. I know that God put me here for a reason and I have to tell you, I have grown and learned so much living here and I think for the first time in at least 3 years, I feel alive, awake, and wanting. These past few years I've been just surviving, I feel like I am thriving, like there's more to life than just life, if that makes any sense. I am ready for the next step, whatever that may be.
Which brings me to why I am slightly excited, as one can tell. I talked with Kacy and she has been looking into the Peace Corps and New Tribes Mission organization. Man, I checked both of them out and they look really exciting. So, pray for me, cause I want to do both. In "D to D" it talked about ppl having to push their dreams aside in the name of sancitification by the world and ppl will try and hold you down, there might not be that needed support there, but man it makes so much sense. I feel like I've been trying to be something that I'm not, that this time of my life where I didn't know what I wanted to do is over, in a sense. I've wanted to go into missions since I was probably younger than 11 years old. I just knew that was something I was made for. I am going to Mexico the end of March and have plans for the future and how I can work things out to pursue the dreams I've had for so long. I don't know what God will do, but I know that it will work out. Though I am afraid and nervous for the future and know that b/c I follow this path of hidden desires and the true meaning of why I am here, there will be things I will miss out on and ppl won't be particularly excited, but that's part of life and I want my life to be overflowing from the brim. Hesitation only keeps you from living the life you were meant to live, though precautionary feelings are def good. I've always felt like because I have so many dreams that I have to pick just one and do that forever. But why? Why can't I do all that is intended for my life? These desires are not just there to leave you wanting, they are there to kick your butt into gear and get you moving and motivated. Why can't you be more than you ever imagined and more than anyone expects you to be? Why? Because they don't have the guts to do it, because they think their "ship has passed"? I refuse to lete someone else live through me, except God. I want life and I want it abundantly. Again I say it, I want life and I want it abundantly, and that means that stagnation is unacceptable. Life, bring it on!

2 observations

Two observations/thoughts/etc.:
1) I moved my bike out of the living room today and was astonished how amazingly different it looked. My conclusion (while I moved my fan back into the closet): everything is better cleaner. It doesn't matter what it is and it doesn't have to be perfect but seeing spots all over or not maintaining things can leave them looking quite messy and than you clean it and it looks so much better. So, I say, everything is better cleaner.
2) I was thinking about this last night. This is in defense of my "the whiter you are, the hotter you are" statement. The hottest pepper is white, right? The hottest flame is white also, correct? And even though snow is white, if you stay out in it too long you get frostbite and things that are hot are said to have a "bite" to them, right? (ok, so that's a stretch, but...) Or, you could get freezerBURN, that comes from something white. Well, there you go. The whiter you are, the better. (hey, I tried.)

Have a beautiful day!

stolen from another blog...

Well, this is from one of my friends (Dez) friends' blog (Lorne). I just thought it was good and wanted to post it. Oh let the good time roll! (pardon the pun)

"Dice and Chance

You're sitting in a room with a six-sided dice in your hand. Four sides are red and two green. You can sit forever and analyze the possible outcomes and chances of this die: 4/6 chance that it is red...2/6 chance that it's green...twice the chance of being red than green...if you roll it three times, this or that may happen.

You can sit forever analyzing this die...the possible commentary is unbounded. The fact remains, however, that this die is either rolled, or it begs rolling, and then everything changes.

The dice will bounce along, bouncing off the surface and anything it comes into contact with, involved in its own odd dance, and then come to a stop resting with one side up.

Now, everything said before doesn't matter. The dice has rolled an outcome. No matter of chance can change this outcome. Whether the outcome had a 1 in a million chance or a 1 in two chance before is irrelevant...it is what it is.

Chance is replaced by certainty. All left is seeing what side is up."

Isn't that beautifully thought-provoking?

lookin' good

Do you ever have those days when you look in the mirror and you're like, "Who is that hottie?"
Today is one of those days for me, I just feel so cute. I thought I'd share that with you. (I look so good I looked in the mirror and did a double-take...muhaha!)
I hope ppl have these days all the time. Man! You guys are HOT! ;)

The random expansion of a word

Due to a comment left from a posted post, I am inspired to expand (more so in an informational/adviceish type format):

Trust:
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
4. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one: violated a public trust.
5. One in which confidence is placed.
6. Reliance on something in the future; hope.

I once told a friend up in Canada, probably a year ago, that whatever decision you are facing, no matter what it is: facing a fear, going on a trip, relationship stuff (any kind), or moving geographically, whatever, if you've prayed about it and God has given you peace and He has said "Yes", than you have nothing to fear but the fear itself. You have only yourself holding you back. It's the refusal to listen (keep in mind there's action included in listening) to what God is telling you, even though you've asked Him the question and expected an answer. If He's answered you with a "yes", than you're g to g (good to go). Whether or not the outcome turns out the way you want it to, God wants you to learn something from it, and He's done what you've asked by answering you (no matter what the answer may be). But it's what you do with that answer that matters. God doesn't want sidelined believers. Ppl who stand around and aren't willing to let go of things. A generation of "talkers". He wants a ppl who are grounded in prayer and love and action, devoted followers who are grounded in Him. Who trust Him. I know that I want to be like that. I also know I've had my struggles and I've overcome alot of them, only because I was willing to trust my God, my Father, my Friend. (Trust me, I'm still a work in progress...=) But, God doesn't ask us to make decisions based on the things that are sure to be. Nothing is "sure to be." As I am almost daily reminded, "No one knows the day or the hour." That means us. We have to trust Him for everything. I've read that there are four major needs the body has to maintain survival: air, water, sleep, and food. But also the workings of our bodies and our minds and the eternity of our souls. Those are the most important things and most days we don't even think about it, we don't even bat an eye. You know why? Because we trust Him. If we didn't than we'd be worried all the time and freaking out and our lives would be miserable, but I'm sure that most of us don't do that. Why? Simple, because we trust Him. I find it interesting however, how difficult it is to trust, considering it's given meaning, but than I guess that's why it's called trust, eh?

kickin' up dust

Well, it's been over half of a week since I updated, that's a long time for me, eh?
Today has been pretty good. I got up, showered, devoed, did some work, loaded up the car, and headed to the office. Than I took this van over to the shop and was looking for the seats to put them back in b/c we had to take them out for a trip to the food bank, the seats were "nowhere" to be found. Than I decided I should check inside the van, they were already in there! Craziawesomecoolness! I was laughing cause I didn't see them when I got in and b/c I was happy I didn't have to put them in! I was on a time-shortage this morning, due to poor timing, but things worked out! I went to the office and than to the Cnfnc Cntr and dropped some stuff off and than off to a dentist appt! Which wasn't so exciting....I have 8 cavities. Can you believe it?! I was appauled. But the dentist-guy who is very nice and a Christian (Yay! I can't believe how much God blesses me!) told me it's just that time in my life when that happens. But I have some recession on two of my abnormally placed teeth =( and need to see a perodonist (sp?) who comes in from Colorado only once a month! Boo! But they said it could cost about $400 to fix only one of my teeth, that's ballpark, but still, that almost $1000 for two teeth. Plus the cavities and they want to put sealant on the ones that don't have cavities yet, so we're looking at about $2300 to fix my teeth and I'm not even getting braces!!! This is slightly perturbing. God is really gonna have to take the lead on this one, cause yeah. Saw the doctor, I have good blood pressure, woot woot! and they said that the second head growing out of my elbow should be just fine...heehee...just kidding. Obviously. What you thought I was serious?! Sick! So, I got out just in time to go to the ATM and back to pay the rest of the bill and than off to my voice lesson, which was very interesting. I have to spit on her, she wants me to. She wants me to practice these warm-ups called "raspberries" and yup, that's what they are. I was quite diverted and highly amused. She said she had to keep reminding herself that I wasn't laughing at her. That's alright, but I can't help it. I am naturally diverted, I guess.
Oh, this is what I concluded today after going to see two doctors: I'm the "irritating" patient who asks all those questions. I kept the dentist assistants in the room with me for at least a half an hour and the other one for another half an hour explaining dental hygiene and cavities and what a root canal is and this jazz, mostly to please my own curiosity, but they were all nice to me, I just feel awkward asking a bunch of questions. So I am healthy and right on target, but also very expensive. That's right, if sumone wantz me, itz gonna b rolls' an glitta an partees n jazz, cuz u gotta hav jazz..yeah. No, but my mouth is going to be pretty costly. It might be smart to start thinking about getting dental insurance, eh?
Things are good. Sorry this is more of a journal entry than anything else, maybe. Devo is really opening my eyes up about some stuff and I am challenged continually by God, especially these next few weeks! I'm also learning about time management and reading another book that is oh so yummy. I was driving to the dentist this morning and was thinking, I feel hungry. But not physical hunger, spiritual hunger. It's weird when you think about spiritual hunger and your mouth starts to water. I am again at a point when getting my fill of God will not happen. I am just sucking it all in, being very greedy, and yearning to sit, like Mary, at Jesus' feet while I rest and listen to every word He has for me. Man, am I HUNGRY! I'm gonna go eat something, eh?
Yeah.
(I read this again, as I usually do, I read these several times through, not sure why, maybe I am fascinated with myself..trying to learn more about myself....interesting...but I noticed, mostly b/c someone told me this once, but I find myself considering myself an inconvenience or that ppl look down on me or think I am dumb. Hmmm. Why? Not really sure. Just another random observation stolen from a comrade.)

More irritating than...

Just so you know there are questions out there that are more irritating than twin questions. I didn't think it was possible, but hence, I am proven otherwise.

Tonight was good. Have a group here about 50-60 which is like snapping your fingers it's so easy! A few things I think will become difficult these next few weeks. Please pray for strength for me if I come to mind. I know it's what God wants, I just have to keep being strong cause I can't do this one on my own, eh?!
But yeah, things are good. I am about 2 1/2 weeks into a new devotional that is proving to be very helpful and beneficial and am about to finish another book that is opening my eyes to things that will be VERY helpful later on. I hope to do ALOT of growing these next few weeks. Plus I figured out a new trick on rollar skates and am having some fun falling on the floor! Mrrmrrmrr!
Oh, in other news: I am going to Mexico the end of March to the beginning of April and will also be somewhat involved in the spring play at my school doing lighting, stage crew, etc. I hope to be a help there, and I start voice lessons on Wednesday which I am pretty excited about! Woot woot! I hope to grow vocally this semester and intellectually and spiritually and all those good God ways to grow!
I am also expanding my knowledge with research into CD's and such and that is quite the little rabbit trail. So through trails and trials I close this entry and hope that God is doing His mighty work in your lives as much as He is in mine. Love always, Charmin. (my one friend Brett used to call me and my sister the Charmin Twins, cause our last name was so close, y'know? mrrmrrmrr!)

Since I've decided to stay for awhile...

I'll write about chicken and "chicken" if that's ok with you....no reply? I will continue. Back yeah, I'm a nightbug it seems and today I took like a three hour nap, man I was boosted. So tired, must have been early mornings and school stress! Whoo, pray that I find my good calculator...I am decided that I brought it and now it has misplaced itself and soon I have to go clean bathrooms, drinkline, and vacuum the D.H. But yeah, no one is perfectly timely, especially not me, except if other ppl are involved, than I think I am pretty good. I wonder if that says anything about me...probably some psychological term and I should be on drugs, but no thanks. I'll keep my craziness thank you!

Oh, in current news, I just got "A Walk to Remember" and Gary Allan's "Alright Guy" cd's. Movies, oh no. "AWtoR" gives me a headache and ppl cry in there, so I start to cry. I'll admit it, I'm a sympathy crier, start to shed a tear and I will join right in. I never used to be like this....

This will be lengthy just to warn you...
About "Chicken" and Chicken: I was at the store and wanted to buy some ckn. I asked Toby what would be good on it and he said something like, "Well, alot of ppl put lemon pepper on it. That's pretty common." and I was like, "Well, I want something really good, I want the best." He got really passionate and said, "Ok, here's what you do..." He went on to explain each ingredient, how much you need for each, prep methods. So, I concluded that love is like prepping ckn. Now, I decided I was going to wait on that recipe, I didn't have all the ingred. and b/c I knew I should be eating some more meat, I put it in the pan with some water and cooked it. (Stay with me, stay with me). Now of course there are exceptions and some ppl quite enjoy plain ckn, but if you want really good ckn you get all these ingred. and set them together (in a Foreman Grill) and let it marinade for a day or so. Than cook it and amazingly, you have some really good ckn. Ok, so love is like prepping ckn b/c it takes time. I didn't exploit the ckn to it's potential. I threw it in a pan with some water. I think that's what a lot of ppl do. They throw their love around (affections might be more accurate) and throw it in a pan with some lust, cook it, eat it, and wonder how it would have tasted w/some more preparation. They realize something is lacking and though they need the "ckn" for "nutritional value", if the ckn was prepared to the best of it's capabilities and to the credit of the cook, it would have tasted alot better, it would have been more what God had in mind for us, and most likely you would have been satisfied. But satisfaction takes wisdom, patience, and understanding. Wisdom b/c preparing it certain ways adds value, meaning, tastiness, and a stronger desire for it. Patience b/c it's rough waiting for what you want and even need for any given amount of time (we do live in the "want it now, get it now" society) and understanding b/c you know what goes into it, you understand the need for patience and wisdom. Though it is just ckn-we all want the best, but we all want it now. Sometimes, alot of times, the best doesn't come now, it comes after we've had to wait awhile. It comes after you've neared expertise in patience and started to cap off another jar of wisdom. But when that ckn comes out...oooo...so tasty, delicious, and well worth the wait. It is also healthier, more beneficial, and b/c you've had to wait, survey says: you appreciate it more. There's another point to take this analogy further, hence, like many other things, I've forgotten, so if I remember there will be a Part II.

Here's a good song to go along with my chicken analogy:

Gary Allan "The One"-

No rush though I need your touch/I won't rush your heart/Until you feel on solid ground/Until your strength is found, girl (or boy)

I'll fill those canyons in your soul/Like a river lead you home/And I'll walk a step behind/In the shadows so you shine/Just ask it will be done/And I will prove my love/Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Somebody else was here before/He treated you unkind/And broken wings need time to heal/Before a heart can fly, girl (or boy)

I'll fill those canyons in your soul/Like a river lead you home/And I'll walk a step behind/In the shadows so you shine/Just ask it will be done/And I will prove my love/Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Trust in me and you'll find a heart so true/All I want to do is give the best of me to you/And stand beside you

Just ask it will be done/And I will prove my love/Until you're sure that I'm "the one"

Quotable randomness

"love ending is never the end. compromise in this part of your life is never acceptable."
there's more that goes with that, but i like this part of it. compromise in love if it goes against God is never acceptable.

mindboggling nothingness

Hence I have forgotten to bring my journal and rerecord my amazing theology on why love is like preparing chicken, but so I seem to have no input so far I can only conclude that no one has glimpsed the futureness of the posts of this blog yet and I will calm my shaking knees...it's ok, I have time...mrr! Just kidding, well about everything except forgetting to bring the stuff to write down the rest of this. Well kids, I am going to have to drive in tomorrow, I have a dentist appointment and the lady that usually picks me up, well, I don't wish to drive her crazy by having her drive me everywhere all over town while she is supposed to be working...so I will drive in, but that's ok, I will have a good time getting my tooth sawed at. (not only will they be looking at it, they will drill and insert something that looks like a tooth, but really it's not, they told me, I know!) Anywho, I am getting hungry for some good time rockin' foodness (ever notice how adding "ness" to the end of words makes them so much more funner?) Yeah, so not only that but my schedule is changing abit as well, so I will see how all this works out, eh? No worries, no worries!

Love is like preparing Chicken...

Hey! So this is my 106th post! woot woot! That seems like alot but I've had this for about 2 years or 3 years or something. So, I guess it makes sense though the bulk of them are from 2005.
Anywho, I'll explain the title later...forgot my notes! Muhahaha! I know you're thinking I'm nuts so I'll leave you in anticipation of what I have to say in connection to love and chicken, chicken and love. Beside the fact that I like chicken a whole lot. But, if you have any ideas on how love is like prepping chicken, than let me know...I'll be waiting. It was an ephiphany (sp?) while in the chicken, I mean kitchen...!
So, I started class today and it was pretty ok. I think I am going to drop two of my 1 credit hour classes. They may interfere with my daily schedule and I also found out that we are allowed to use the fitness center for FREEEEEE just for being a student. I really like this school now! Whoot wut! Plus if I drop those two, I may have room for one more class, which will be lucky number....mrr! I don't know yet, I haven't looked through the catalog again yet! But I did get my password back and let the good times roll, again...
Oh, and the Gazelle/mattress mishap was cleared up. UPS picked up the package this morning to my delight! They paid for shipping and my credit card will also be credited as well...YES!!!
It is my thinking that that is God saving me from a mistake. I am grateful and take the slack for temporarily wanting a Gazelle, my dad was pretty excited about it...but they have ellipticals in the fitness center and weight and everything good! So, I am thinking I will try and use them Tues and Wed, maybe Mon and Fri, depending on groups and all that jazz...hmmm...jazz....
Well friends. I bid thee farewell b/c my teeth hurt (from gum chewing) and my tummy is starting to get those pains when it's time to feed it. (makes your stomach sound like an alien or something...weird!) Thanks for listening once again!
P.s. I may go to Mexico in March! MRRMRRMRR! No Canada though (insert sad face here).

Tonight...

...I was in charge of the skaters at open gym. It was pretty fun and I met a few new ppl and got out of my comfort zone. I just decided to be...well, like Angela, just with out the ring, the fiance, or the kids. So I think it works well for me. I think I am going to be doing a bit of growing these next few months. I really feel ready to open up and become the woman that God wants me to be, exterior and interiorwise. I'm ready for change, exploration, and oh, acceptance...*wink*. Let the good times roll! So, I'm workin' on it and God will help me.
Tomorrow is church, I realized, and I didn't call for a ride yet...I will have to call tomorrow. Probably Ms. Pauline, as the staff children would say.
Oh, funny story, this kid skates up to me right, so I was told him he had to stop eating and skating at the same time...after brief conversation, I just patted him on the back and than the boy turns around and says, "Sorry, you're too old for me!" I thought that was pretty funny, but he stayed pretty close to my side the rest of the night, helped me with music and even insisted on carrying the "heavy" stuff for me, which I let him do. It was really quite humorous... Sometimes I wonder how that happens. I think if I was 12 or 14 I'd be dating a heck of alot of guys. But even when I was that age, I wasn't nieve enough to waste time dating. There were bigger fish to fry then! Musicals, show choirs, lit clubs, and the environment was always in need of some help! Hey, where'd Cap't Planet go? But, even with the pigtails, he thought I was 21, so not bad...which tangents me to this: when you have kids, is it wrong to still wear pigtails? I ask you this. I think probably not a good idea, unless you're promoting unity amongst the ranks, but...maybe in some alternate universe. Oh... random thought life. But yeah, overall the night was good and fun and I must tell you that I am hungry, but not as hungry as Mungry. Let me tell you.
The world is safe for at least one more day!

P.s. I am pretty sure I am changing the title of this thing. I'm getting antsy about it...need change....

This is not as long as my longest post ever....but it could be fairly close...

"the world is your coconut...now all you have to do is figure out how to break it open..."

Introduction:
Snowbunny Frappechino .... $2.99
Gasoline .... $18.00
Sheet of stamps .... $7.80
Two Jackets ..... $13.00
Two sheets of Valentines' Stickers .... $.99
Leaving a store with only 3 items and ending the day with several lessons learned .... priceless.

Well, my coconut definitely wasn't breaking today. I think it cracked though, but mostly it was just leaking all over me. My day started out pretty good, I got out of bed, though a few minutes later than anticipated, exercised, devoed it up, got ready for the day, made a phone call to cancel a previously scheduled appt, and had some brkfst(I just found a sticker with a picture of teeth on it stuck in my ponytail...2 questions: 1)how long has it been there 2)did anyone see that...that could have been very embarrassing especially when I walk home (in the dark)...who would have seen the teeth in my hair?!), and as I loaded up the car for my excursion into town in my amazingly hot-looking Jeep...no go. The battery was dead...I left the lights on. Boo me. But this is very characteristic (ask family about the cute little LeBaron...covertible, I did add)...so to speed ahead...car got a jump and I headed out, one stop in at the Cfrnc Cntr and off I go...no. Left keys in ignition...battery dead. I laughed at myself in disbelief. Called boss, talked to Bubs...a go. Jeep is running again...boss pulls up, random conversation occurs and he says something along the lines of "you're an adult, you're capable, you can solve your problems." Interesting. Okay...so here's the mental part of the story: when I found out the Jeep died, all I thought was that I made a big mistake, I laughed at myself, but worried what kind of ridicule I brought on myself by making such a mistake, that now everyone will think I am irresponsible. But the boss was very kosher and treated me like an adult. It was weird. Second time the battery died (within an hour, mind you), good to go. Nobody told me it was my fault, that I made a mistake, I asked for help, told them I needed something and voila! There it was and it was good. It was weird. I find that I become childish when I need to express a need or a want, especially if I need help. I don't know if I know what it means to be treated like an adult or how to act like an adult when something like that happens. I knew God had some plan for this craziness today, b/c what I wanted to happen didn't, but something better did. I learned more about myself. (Could it be that b/c certain childhood needs were not met, I revert back to childishness when expressing needs b/c I am trying to fill them now? Or b/c I was seldom treated like an adult when I expressed a need, even in adulthood, so I don't know how to express them any other way? Or perhaps it is a defense mechanism that I learned out of necessity? and if this is true, why?)

Oh, but I posted a quote a while back "If you want something you've never had, you've got to do something you've never done."
Okay, so two questions, obviously rhetorical:
1) what is it that you want that you've never had?
2) what do you need to do that you've never done to obtain the thing you've never had because you've never done what you've never done to obtain what you've never had because you failed in using the correct "method(s)" to obtain it?

I am reading this book, which shall remain nameless b/c it could become a source of personal ridicule, and it's really beneficial, but isn't successfully changing my mind about certain things; and one of the things it suggests I do, very little chance of me doing it unless what my mind has remained unchanged about doesn't actually occur.

I am signed up for classes, five days a week. Two classes on Wednesdays, one class on each of the remaining days, at least until March 31st. Than three days (T-Th) one class on each day.
Which ultimately means to my regret, no Canada. I am extremely saddened, but...whatcha gonna do....when they come for you, bad boys, bad boys....

I am reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I forgot how difficult it is to read, but mostly b/c I try to take it all in. I don't just read books, I live them. I have a very good imagination, sometimes to my disadvantage. I am easily drawn into romanticism, however my logical and realistic capabilities have anchored me in the present and I realize that though what I may be reading about or seeing (moviewise) seems desirable, they do not present the whole picture, which may be why I also thoroughly enjoy history. I want to know the truth!

Okay, so normally I would have written "I love..." instead of "thoroughly enjoyed" but I watched this Nooma video called "Flame" and it talked about the three different kinds of love....names escape me (wasn't in Greek, I think it was the Hebrew words), anyways it was really good. Makes you think about saying things differently, in a different way...etc., etc.

Why do I type smarter than I talk? Maybe I already know.

Oh, I was in the store today and I was going to buy "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers". I had already picked up two jacket things (one for me, one for my sister) and was walking around, I had time, I was willing to browse, not expecting to buy anything but looking for a good deal, y'know. But I saw one DVD left, it was a special edition with interviews, behind the scenes, all that good stuff that almost makes watching to video undesirable b/c you can learn about the ppl instead and I picked it up. $15. That's pretty steep for me (I just bought two brand new books for $.50 each (excluding S&H)). Anyhow, I justified the buy, it was good, there was one left, I've wanted one for awhile....conviction. Brush it off. Walk down the card aisle...."Hey Crystal...." Uh oh. "Hey Crystal" "Uh, yeah?" "Aren't you already buying another "jacket" for yourself?" "Yeah." "Well, do you really need it?" "No. But it's $6, I said that if I remembered to come back and get one I'd be good and you know that's it." "Well that's fine. But what about that DVD?" "It's a good deal. I have a lot of Christmas money, you know. It's all good." "Well, how are you going to learn sacrifice if you're not...ummm...sacrificing? This is money ppl gave you to live on. Are you being a good steward, Crystal? Is buying this DVD going to help expand My Kingdom?" "Probably not. I guess I should put the DVD back."
It was rewarding, the feeling I got, knowing that I was growing just by putting it back. Got in line. Remembered I wanted to look for Power Steering fluid. Distracted. Same convo with some dish towels, Christmas lights, cute plates with snowmen on them that said "Brr!" (they were really tempting), and probably several other things caught my attention, some sheets, a lamp, some pants, a new jacket...well, I just bought the two jackets and...two sheets of Valentines' Day stickers...for my Valentines' Day cards...that I already have...

I really enjoy Valentine's Day. I'm looking forward to it. Not completely sure why, but I think it is my favorite holiday. Though I've never had a b.f. during this holiday, I find it alot of fun and I think I have some of the most fond memories of this holiday than any other. My mom really always tried to make it super fun and special. That and I have a really cute nephew who's turning 4 that day. =)

About the Mom: that post I made about how my mom signs her cards for me "mommy", well, she did that b/c my third sister likes it when she does that and she thought I did too. So my assumption was fairly wrong and the other things I wrote could have been a misinterpretation as well. They probably were, but she stopped writing it on there when I told her about it. I can't tell you how amazing my mother is. This Christmas really helped me feel so much closer to her. I think our relationship has entered a new level and I am really excited to move up. I've been learning a lot and man, it's been really good. I still have kinks to work out, but I know that I can count on my mom and that, to me, is relieving and great. I am not sure what happened but somewhere along the line I realized I can trust her again. That's something I haven't been able to do in awhile and to me, is priceless.

passwords....

So, I can't remember my password to sign up for classes. This is insane! I never have problems like this remembering my passwords...oh poo.

do you ever...

sit around and look for something, but you're not quite sure what it is you're looking for? I do that alot. I wish I knew what it was I was looking for.

i wonder...

... if I say too much on this thing. well...here I go again... ;)
I think sometimes I get myself in trouble talking so much. I count myself quite opinionated. I don't think it helps because sometimes I just rattle on and on. I've been quite talkative these past few days and have to catch myself and ask ppl around me if I am "ok". Do you ever have to do that? It has definitely made me more humble in that I have to apologize for things, but I think I am getting better at thinking more before I say stuff, well more about stuff that is important.
I think I've grown alot. Well, at least alittle since I went home. I am on a mission. I have goals and now, God has to help me get through this because I can't without Him.
Today I was disappointed. I ordered a Tony Little's Gazelle, you know what I got...an Aero mattress for visitors. Well...God has a sense of humor because I already have 2 queen sized beds, a futon, and a couch that is comfy for sleeping on (it's one of those Lazy love seats). Perhaps I am supposed to expect a large group of ppl...or soon I will be homeless. It almost seems a waste to send it back...unless they are willing to pay for the shipping (crossing fingers). I'll admit it, I was disappointed, but you take 'em while they're thrown at you, eh? God does have a sense of humor... I wanted a piece of exercise equipment and I got something to sleep on. Either that or the devil is veeerrrry tricky! But yeah...so I am awaiting a reply.
Today was pretty good, but my throat has been bothering me and I completely forgot my password to sign up for classes, but I got to hang out with my friend Sue, go to the store, new plates on the vehicle (woot woot! Jeeps are the bomb!), am pretty peppy today, and found out that I was able to sign up for Trig instead of Alg if I wanted to...just a conflict though...college search is still on my mission list...have 4 prospects in mind...mrr. I'm pretty tired and kinda want to talk to someone. It almost seems useless to write on these things, y'know? Mostly because right now no one is responding (plz don't feel obligated to respond). It's weird cause I feel connected to y'all when I post, I guess cause when you comment I know you're reading it and that means you care...so that's comforting. My focus is alittle off right now though, not quite centered on God and I sort of know why, however, when I stopped feeling connected to Him is beknownst (?) to me currently. But I am trying and reminding myself that I need to continue to pray for that connection to reconnect, but I know He's listening and He loves me, that's good. A really good hug would be really nice right now. Hmmm...wrap myself in His arms tonight as I sit by my amazing Christmas lights decoratively displayed in my window =) , watch a Nooma, and sip something hot. With that I bid you farewell and tell you, "Never stop growing. Never stop finding out who you are. Pursue Him with everything." Miss you.

Crystal's amazing relationship advice...well, it's more of an opinion....part 2

I picked red, it seemed appropriate.
Alright...here we go...
Ok, so I said I'd come back to this topic of relationships and love and, well, I have a thought on this subject, maybe one or two, but here goes...
People generally refer to love as a feeling and we all know that that isn't true...it's committment and a choice, although the feeling, when present, does have it's perks. Another common theme is that of "falling" in love. (Pardon me while I tangent...I suppose they derived this "falling"ness from that quesy feeling that is present both when you see that certain someone, when you might go skydiving, when you feel ill (that would fit more with "love sick"...hmmm...etc, etc.) But what a concept. That love is falling. Now, if we fell into love, that would make it quite unresponsible for the outcome b/c we tripped right over it, though I suspect that love sets traps for ppl..or maybe it's just those matchmakers(silent shaking of fist)...but on to another thought...
Ok, so other people would say that falling in love is scary. But I ask, are ppl really afraid of falling in love? Ppl do it all the time. They fall in and "out" of love, but my guess is that they're falling in and out of lust, instead. I assume few would argue that. Now, if they really are in love, and their warm-fuzzy feeling is gone, they think that they fell "out" of love, but really they're making the choice to stop loving because they're not choosing to continue loving. Perhaps their love changed. Anyhow, I think that since God wired us to need other ppl, it's not a fear of falling in love, b/c personally, I think that the general population is eager to do so, or rather fall into the... Gap...heehee, sorry, couldn't resist... but more so, ppl are afraid of that point in your life when you realize that indeed, you are in love, it's true, and here you are, with this need, with uncertainty looming before you and wondering if the love is reciprocated. There is something wonderful about that feeling, the anticipation when it goes away, wondering if it will return. Hoping it will b/c there's almost nothing as wonderful. Praying to God at the same time that it won't so you don't have to deal with the fact that it might be there for the long haul. Falling in and out of love is much easier than staying in love. It's much easier than putting yourself out there. Much easier than waiting. Much easier than commitment. Much easier than admitting to the fact that even against all your opposition, you do need someone. Falling in love isn't difficult, it's not scary, it's what comes after the realization that you are in love that is. Nervewracking is the point when you almost have the guts to tell the person how you feel. That you exclaim to the world that you've finally found "the one" (well, you really won't know that til you both say "I do" cause you can still change your mind til then, but after that, don't even think about it). That though they may not feel the same, you're willing to take the risk (watch beginning of "The Village").
The material point: it's not falling in love that's scary. It's the risk that's involved that is. But it's the adventure that comes after that, that makes the risk worth it.

Now all you have to do is make sure it's the right "one"...theme for another post...more to come later...

Pretty excited...

So in current news, I think I had the best Christmas ever while at home for the past week and a half. Not to say that it didn't have it's rough spots, but I don't think I have ever seen that much of my family altogether that much, if that makes any sense. I def had some good times with my mom and sisters.
I am excited to be back home and in need of some personal growth/work.
Fun surprise: my friend Nathaniel (from summer camp) stopped by on New Years Eve, quite unexpectedly, we talked for awhile and it was good convo. We ended up talking about relationships and he had said, "Why have a good relationship when you can have a great one?" I thought that was insightful, but more to come later on that one. But, I definitely got some good stuff out of it. Made me think.
Anyhow, these past few mornings I have been reading a book on Time Management so that I can be better at using my time, hence the title. Today it mentioned goals and how we should consistently ask ourselves if what we are doing or pursuing is helping or hindering us to meeting our goals. That, to me, was quite profound. So I made a list of short term goals, just for January through May and I am quite satisfied with them. I am excited to make an "execution" list on how to accomplish them. It really made me appreciate goals and how important they are, because than you know what you are striving for. I've been having a hard time getting motivated to even get out of bed, but now that I have more defined goals, I think I will be much more motivated and hopefully God will bless them. So, I have been more conscious of what I am doing and more aware of when I am wasting time. We only get so much and only God knows the specifics. So...! But I am excited about growth in that area.
Plus I have been really blessed with a good response with my support raising so far. I hope to get more monthly, but special gifts are always welcomed, eh? God is good.
Well, it's been good and I must actually get some work done. But I'll keep you posted, goals, schools, etc. Let me know what's up, eh?

at work

I am at work. I am in the office. I am leaving to go back to the gym...right now.