Just thought I'd share...
Thanks you, God, that:
I am privileged to be in my friends wedding.
I found a seamstress.
the payments for the seamstress are "taken care of"
I have been stretched at work.
it stopped raining so i could walk to my sister's work to drive home with her.
that my co-worker didn't hurt herself last night.
my boss is in a happy relationship.
my dad no longer has cancer.
my dentist makes me laugh.
i have a favorite pair of socks.
i have a job.
i have been able to clean.
i am taking very good care of myself, spiritually, mentally, and physically.
i have no regrets.
You are for me.
i am for You.
i was able to go to Belize and work with youth.
i am able to work with the youth here.
i have a wonderful home church, they love me.
i have family.
i am gifted in many ways.
my voice sounds best when singing to You.
i have clean water to drink.
i can chew things and swallow.
i have all of my body parts, two feet, two eyes, two arms, etc.
i have really great friends.
i know how to laugh.
i can make people smile.
i found You.
i make You smile.
You carry me when I can't go on.
You love me no matter what.
i have life and am able to live it.
i can make a difference in the Kingdom of God.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
At Home
So, how are y'all doin? (saying that makes me miss Nebraska...mmm...) Anywho, I am at home at doing pretty good. The real world is nothing like Caronport, I tell ya that. Being back at work is good, familiar, and oh-so stretching. I think I am the only Christian there. I am trying to spread the news of Christ, but I think that I may be too serious about my job...hmmm... Crystal serious about her job...no..! *shyglanceaway* Ummm...I'd like to make a shout-out to all of my home-g's back in the C-port hangin' out at the A-Bil in the Beanery...=P Anywho, so I am fixing it. I am trying to watch how my face might look to others. I tend to look mad when I get serious about cleaning. Hmm. That and I am trying to say "hi" more often and spread good encouragement sentances around and ask people about thier lives and what's up and all that. My room is getting cleaner and cleaner. I dropped another 3 Boxes of stuff off at Amvets (donation guys that take our stuff and distribute it to the needy for free! How great is that, FREE!) My sis is only going to be around for a few more months, so we are trying to spend more time together, but she has 3 jobs. Time is going to fly by. Trying to savor, trying to savor... School may not happen so quickly. I already have quite a few loans out and my mom co-signed for a private loan, but we got denied. It may be because she has loans she's already paying off also, so I can only get money for about half my tuition costs...so Plan B may have to take place: community college, which has a culinary program and I can probably get it all paid for. We'll see. If that doesn't work, Plan C: work for a year, go to culinary school next year. If not that, Plan D: become a nun, or join the army. Either one will do. I am excited to suffer for the Lord. Not so excited about the actual persecution. But I know that it will make me stronger. I just have to persevere and be diligent, keep my eyes always on Him, and keep praying. You don't realize how difficult that it until you actually have to do it. I had to constantly keep my mind on Jesus. It's really a hardcore conscious effort. Oh He's so good to me. If I were Him and I had no mercy and love, I would have struck me dead 20 years ago when I pulled all of the tupperware out of the cabinets. (Gosh, I don't remember it, but I am sure it was fun!) I love that I can continually plunge myself into His arms and let Him hold me as long as I need it, that I can walk down the street and smile because I know that He is lovingly and adoringly looking down at me (makes me very shy sometimes...it's great), and that He is my everything. I got nothing without Him, y'know. So, yeah. Hmm. Time for bed. Love you my bros and sis's. Keep the Jesus alive!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
learning
Hey hey! It's me and back with more exciting news from the 'hood....*wink*
So, I love Chicago. I was there last week and this week and I just love it. The prospect, reality, and hope of going to school there makes me giddy. The reality that I do not have enough confidence in myself does not. I came to the realization that the only reason I am having doubts about this school is that I am not fully confident in my abilities (and i am getting some financial "eghs" from my parents), yet I am. I know that I can do this. I understand that when I am going in as a beginner, that it means I am going to learn something, right? So it doesn't matter whether or not I am perfect or whatnot, the entire reason to go there is to, first of all: obey God, and also to learn and become good at what I am to do. I was always afraid to try new things, not in the sense that I was afraid to do them, but rather was afraid that people would look down on me because I didn't know what I was doing. But what is the point of going to a class or somewhere to learn something if you are not willing to learn? That sounds so stupid. In a sense, I guess it stems from the fact that my dad, in particular, happens to be good at everything, if he isn't good at it, he knows someone who is amazing at it. I grew up with the standard of perfection. Be perfect or get out. If you're not perfect, what are you doing here? There is no room for learning because you should already know everything, and you should be good at it. I'm sure that isn't the message he wanted to send, but as I am back at home and dealing with this, that is the way it seems. Even the uncontrollable is required to be under control. To some extent it is ridiculous. However, that is why we learn. Oh, and am I learning and growing and realizing. I have a lot to work on, but I have come so far. I am currently cleaning out my room. It's going to be good when it all gets done. But right now, I feel like I am trying to climb Mt Everest without warm clothing. But I am determined.
I know that I can do this, and culinary school. Doubts are natural and alright, as long as they don't control me or let me believe things that are contrary to what God is telling and teaching me. It's gonna be good. I just have a case of the nerves!
However, my passion is ignited every time I watch Iron Chef or see some cooking/baking show on tv. I found out that my great-great grandmother was a baker before she got married. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I read that. This was in a report I did when I was younger, probably junior high history class. Just a suggestion: go through old reports and find the ones that the teachers made you write about your goals for when you got older. Look at what you wanted then, and what you want now and what you thought you would have accomplished at this age, when you were at that age, and what you have actually accomplished. I found some of those and was smiling at my childish hopes and dreams. It was good. But if I had had my way, I would be on a horse farm with two of my old best-friends trying to sell eggs for extra money. (surprisingly, it's still a childish dream of mine... =)
So, I love Chicago. I was there last week and this week and I just love it. The prospect, reality, and hope of going to school there makes me giddy. The reality that I do not have enough confidence in myself does not. I came to the realization that the only reason I am having doubts about this school is that I am not fully confident in my abilities (and i am getting some financial "eghs" from my parents), yet I am. I know that I can do this. I understand that when I am going in as a beginner, that it means I am going to learn something, right? So it doesn't matter whether or not I am perfect or whatnot, the entire reason to go there is to, first of all: obey God, and also to learn and become good at what I am to do. I was always afraid to try new things, not in the sense that I was afraid to do them, but rather was afraid that people would look down on me because I didn't know what I was doing. But what is the point of going to a class or somewhere to learn something if you are not willing to learn? That sounds so stupid. In a sense, I guess it stems from the fact that my dad, in particular, happens to be good at everything, if he isn't good at it, he knows someone who is amazing at it. I grew up with the standard of perfection. Be perfect or get out. If you're not perfect, what are you doing here? There is no room for learning because you should already know everything, and you should be good at it. I'm sure that isn't the message he wanted to send, but as I am back at home and dealing with this, that is the way it seems. Even the uncontrollable is required to be under control. To some extent it is ridiculous. However, that is why we learn. Oh, and am I learning and growing and realizing. I have a lot to work on, but I have come so far. I am currently cleaning out my room. It's going to be good when it all gets done. But right now, I feel like I am trying to climb Mt Everest without warm clothing. But I am determined.
I know that I can do this, and culinary school. Doubts are natural and alright, as long as they don't control me or let me believe things that are contrary to what God is telling and teaching me. It's gonna be good. I just have a case of the nerves!
However, my passion is ignited every time I watch Iron Chef or see some cooking/baking show on tv. I found out that my great-great grandmother was a baker before she got married. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I read that. This was in a report I did when I was younger, probably junior high history class. Just a suggestion: go through old reports and find the ones that the teachers made you write about your goals for when you got older. Look at what you wanted then, and what you want now and what you thought you would have accomplished at this age, when you were at that age, and what you have actually accomplished. I found some of those and was smiling at my childish hopes and dreams. It was good. But if I had had my way, I would be on a horse farm with two of my old best-friends trying to sell eggs for extra money. (surprisingly, it's still a childish dream of mine... =)
Sunday, May 15, 2005
an update
Hey Y'all! So things are going better. I am learning. One quote that is continually making rounds in my life is:
Do not question in the dark what you knew to be true in the light.
Or something close to that anyway. But yeah, I guess, about Culinary School, I am nervous. This is huge for me. I guess the fact that I am 21 and making a pretty solid lifetime and life-altering decision is a little scary. I just want to make sure that this is where God wants me and so forth. I am getting peace about it, yet am still questioning my abilities. But, it's a good reminder that I am following God into this. No leaning on me, cause I can't do this on my own, it's gonna be all Him, eh? It's gonna be great! I am excited to go where God wants me, plus it will be a good area for meeting unbelievers and showing them the love that Christ has for them. Which I am also excited about doing. It is going to be very good. We'll see what happens with a job and housing. Here are my two options:
1) Live @ ? and work @ ? in Chicago. (School said they can hook me up...?!) Go to hometown on Wednesdays for junior high YG, Sundays for church, and one other random day for college group.
2) Live at or near home. Work at Subway. Travel in and out of Chicago every week day.
So, yeah, I am trying to see which is the best option. It is going to get very expensive going in and out of Chicago everyday on the train. But I would get a good amount of exercise and fresh air...if you count Chicago air as fresh... ! But we'll see. Can you continue to pray for this. I am in the midst of many decisions! Thank God, though, that I have almost half of the first 7 1/2 months tuition paid for! God bless you all, let me know what's going on! Miss you!
Do not question in the dark what you knew to be true in the light.
Or something close to that anyway. But yeah, I guess, about Culinary School, I am nervous. This is huge for me. I guess the fact that I am 21 and making a pretty solid lifetime and life-altering decision is a little scary. I just want to make sure that this is where God wants me and so forth. I am getting peace about it, yet am still questioning my abilities. But, it's a good reminder that I am following God into this. No leaning on me, cause I can't do this on my own, it's gonna be all Him, eh? It's gonna be great! I am excited to go where God wants me, plus it will be a good area for meeting unbelievers and showing them the love that Christ has for them. Which I am also excited about doing. It is going to be very good. We'll see what happens with a job and housing. Here are my two options:
1) Live @ ? and work @ ? in Chicago. (School said they can hook me up...?!) Go to hometown on Wednesdays for junior high YG, Sundays for church, and one other random day for college group.
2) Live at or near home. Work at Subway. Travel in and out of Chicago every week day.
So, yeah, I am trying to see which is the best option. It is going to get very expensive going in and out of Chicago everyday on the train. But I would get a good amount of exercise and fresh air...if you count Chicago air as fresh... ! But we'll see. Can you continue to pray for this. I am in the midst of many decisions! Thank God, though, that I have almost half of the first 7 1/2 months tuition paid for! God bless you all, let me know what's going on! Miss you!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Difficult Brain
Hey y'all!
It's prob been awhile, but hey, no worries!
I am here at home and things are alright. Looking for work, while working at Subway again! I start tomorrow at Subway! It should be fun, I am working with my old boss who is the bomb! So that's a huge blessing! I went to the Culinary Institute yesterday with my sister Laureen and friend Matt. It was really fun and I really like the place, yet I felt like I shouldn't have been there. Like I was lying to all the people I was meeting because they are expecting me to attend in July. I really would like to go there. I also am being blessed with a huge amount of financial aid from the government. There's this feeling there though like that's not where I am supposed to be, even though I thought that was where God wanted me. (Did I make a mistake? Or was God wanting me to apply and switch start dates to keep me from going to camp because that's not where He wanted me?) But if it is, than that is it. This is a career choice. If I do it, than I do it, full out and no backing out. I almost think I am just scared of the committment. But I imagine myself there and chatting with the people and working in that field, and I can see myself there. But I think I am also afraid of failing, like I will not do well. I don't know if it's nerves or what. But please pray for me, I need it badly right now, especially since I am supposed to start school in 6 weeks....mrr! Anywho, that's what is going on right now. I have a huge decision to make. So pray specifically for this, if I am to go there, that God provides: a peace about this school. That is the most important thing. If I was supposed to be there, wouldn't I have an unmistakable peace about this? I just want to obey Him. I don't want anything but to be where He wants me to be, but if I don't have His peace...than what? I know He has an amazing plan for me, one that I cannot even fathom, if this is part of it, than there would be peace wouldn't there be?
All those other feelings underline this lack of peace. Please pray with me about this school. Let me know if God relates anything to you too! That would be awesome!
Thank you for your support and friendship. They do mean so much!
It's prob been awhile, but hey, no worries!
I am here at home and things are alright. Looking for work, while working at Subway again! I start tomorrow at Subway! It should be fun, I am working with my old boss who is the bomb! So that's a huge blessing! I went to the Culinary Institute yesterday with my sister Laureen and friend Matt. It was really fun and I really like the place, yet I felt like I shouldn't have been there. Like I was lying to all the people I was meeting because they are expecting me to attend in July. I really would like to go there. I also am being blessed with a huge amount of financial aid from the government. There's this feeling there though like that's not where I am supposed to be, even though I thought that was where God wanted me. (Did I make a mistake? Or was God wanting me to apply and switch start dates to keep me from going to camp because that's not where He wanted me?) But if it is, than that is it. This is a career choice. If I do it, than I do it, full out and no backing out. I almost think I am just scared of the committment. But I imagine myself there and chatting with the people and working in that field, and I can see myself there. But I think I am also afraid of failing, like I will not do well. I don't know if it's nerves or what. But please pray for me, I need it badly right now, especially since I am supposed to start school in 6 weeks....mrr! Anywho, that's what is going on right now. I have a huge decision to make. So pray specifically for this, if I am to go there, that God provides: a peace about this school. That is the most important thing. If I was supposed to be there, wouldn't I have an unmistakable peace about this? I just want to obey Him. I don't want anything but to be where He wants me to be, but if I don't have His peace...than what? I know He has an amazing plan for me, one that I cannot even fathom, if this is part of it, than there would be peace wouldn't there be?
All those other feelings underline this lack of peace. Please pray with me about this school. Let me know if God relates anything to you too! That would be awesome!
Thank you for your support and friendship. They do mean so much!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
in Cali, part 2
So, here I am. I have lots of time to check my e-mail =)
Well, here's the dillio, I was supposed to go to San Fran on Thurs. or Wed. We were supposed to go last Saturday, but with finals this week, studying was the option that won....so, make a long story short, we may not go at all. I am pretty sure that I will go by myself (by means of the Greyhound) if no one is able or wants to go, because it seems as if no one wants to go anymore, well, yeah... but I understand because I know that they have finals and cleaning to do. They are really busy. I just hope that my attitude is good and that they know that I am not mad or anything.
I am reading this book called, "Big Girls Don't Whine." It's good. I am learning how to be the woman that God has in mind for me, and not just being a "little" girl for the rest of my life, y'know. We all go back to our "little" kid ways sometimes, but this is really helping me realize what is age appropriate. It is good and she backs up what she says with Scripture. Not totally sure if it takes it out of context, but I think it's ok.
So, I am trying not to whine, but sometimes it's ok to admit that you're disappointed, right? I guess I just had expectations about what Cali would be like.
Well, God bless you! He is awesome and good!
Well, here's the dillio, I was supposed to go to San Fran on Thurs. or Wed. We were supposed to go last Saturday, but with finals this week, studying was the option that won....so, make a long story short, we may not go at all. I am pretty sure that I will go by myself (by means of the Greyhound) if no one is able or wants to go, because it seems as if no one wants to go anymore, well, yeah... but I understand because I know that they have finals and cleaning to do. They are really busy. I just hope that my attitude is good and that they know that I am not mad or anything.
I am reading this book called, "Big Girls Don't Whine." It's good. I am learning how to be the woman that God has in mind for me, and not just being a "little" girl for the rest of my life, y'know. We all go back to our "little" kid ways sometimes, but this is really helping me realize what is age appropriate. It is good and she backs up what she says with Scripture. Not totally sure if it takes it out of context, but I think it's ok.
So, I am trying not to whine, but sometimes it's ok to admit that you're disappointed, right? I guess I just had expectations about what Cali would be like.
Well, God bless you! He is awesome and good!
the age of indifference...
yeah, so this all started b/c my friend here...yes I have a friend now in Cali!...mrr...anywho...she bought Phantom of the Opera and the girl who plays Christine is Emmy Rossum. Now, she looked pretty familiar, and I, being my curious self, had to figure out why. I was pretty sure she was in this Disney movie about ice skating...low and behold, she was! She was in Genius, a Disney tv movie, and I found out that she is an '86 baby, so she is only like 18! That is insane. Than I saw this thing on this months hottest singers, y'know and so I clicked on Jessica Simpson, cause I was curious what that had to say about her...she was born in '80, so she is like 23 or 24! Ok, that's nuts. Both of these girls are two years older or two year younger. I just think it's crazy how different everyone is. How we are all about the same age, but our walks of life are so completely different. It's not as shocking, I guess, when you find out about other "normal" people like at school or near home or whatever, but, I don't know. I just look at where they have grown up, or how they have grown up and think about how their life must have been all being pampered and put into productions and auditions thier whole lives, and they're gorgeous people. They have these lives of their own, just living across the world. Their careers are either starting to take off or they are in the midst of stardom.
I am here at someone elses' school, typing from a computer. It's interesting how television instantly makes people movies stars, whether or not you like them. You see them on the street and instantly you're like, "they're important cause they were on tv." Not to put them down, I know that could sound snotty, but just a thought, y'know? Just how different we all are and how amazing it is at the different experiences we have all had. Like as if you are watching people in their cars from your car or from an airplane. They are people with lives, thoughts, feelings, pasts, dreams, hopes, futures, kids, families, jobs, brains, and so on. I don't know why it fathoms me so, but it does. People are real, they are the same as me (to an extent y'know...) That is all.
I am here at someone elses' school, typing from a computer. It's interesting how television instantly makes people movies stars, whether or not you like them. You see them on the street and instantly you're like, "they're important cause they were on tv." Not to put them down, I know that could sound snotty, but just a thought, y'know? Just how different we all are and how amazing it is at the different experiences we have all had. Like as if you are watching people in their cars from your car or from an airplane. They are people with lives, thoughts, feelings, pasts, dreams, hopes, futures, kids, families, jobs, brains, and so on. I don't know why it fathoms me so, but it does. People are real, they are the same as me (to an extent y'know...) That is all.
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