smooze

So....I am not going to Mexico. I am jobless. I am taking two classes and two field eds. I am tired and worn out, yet spiritually awake, alive and breathing. I am joyful and scared. I am weary and continue to persevere. I am young and old. I know a whole lot, yet I know nothing in comparison to what I could know. Feelings are nothing, yet they are everything. Knowledge can be good and evil. The world needs to be blown apart, yet needs to be spared, saved. People suck, yet rock. Movies are a waste of time and of your mind, yet they provoke thought and intrigue. Wind sucks but is reminds us of the everlasting, invisible presence of God, and that He is blowing the sails of our life-ships in the direction he wants them to sail on the sea of life. When we decide that we know better, a storm comes on and we start to drown. Only God, then, can throw out the life raft of obedience and save us from worldly knowledge and reasoning.
yeah, so I've been learning obedience and this ship isn't pulling into port anytime soon.
Thanks for listening.

is there really a point to this post?

Yeah, so I don't know.
God has been doing some good stuff in my life. He has been blessing me with gifts, words of encouragement, and tears. So much that I don't deserve and yet He continues to bless me.
My latest trial is that of attempting to quit my job. I have decided, more so God has decided for me, that I am not where I am supposed to be and I need to get there quickly. Although I think in God time I am taking my time. I feel so like time is going too fast. That soon death will be here and I will have missed out on things that God has for me. I don't know. I guess confusion is harsh, especially when you thought you knew what you wanted or what you were supposed to do and things are just getting mixed. Y'know? Not sure. I am moving in a direction I never imagined. I am doing things I have always wanted to do and in the long run, the only thing that matters is that I am in God's Will. He will lead me every step of the way and all I have to do is trust in Him. So why am I confused and lost? No deal. I won't settle. I want more than this. I want God and He has the best marked out for me. I will not settle for less than God's best. So no worries. I don't have to worry. One step at a time and following His leading and it's all good. Jesus is great and I am alive in the world and in Him. So as long as I follow Him, it's all good. Wait, I already said that...!

Just a note....

If you truly love Him, you will obey Him.

Oh to learn to do this immediately. I have a tendency to argue with God. As if I know better than Him. Than when I finally let His Will to pierce my heart and be willing to just let go and obey Him, He goes right around and lets me go ahead and do it. Once I am obedient, He gives me what I want. Will I never learn? Will I never be completely obedient? Oh I wish to serve Him with my heart and soul and to learn. I have this unquenchable thirst for knowledge. I don't know. But I don't get enough. I can't wait for chapels to start again. They are so grrrr....eat! Better than Frosted Flakes. I just want to be like Jesus.

I'm doing a pretty cruddy job of it.