Hey! So this is my latest:
i'm in Cali and i'm kinda bored. But everyone here is doing finals and getting ready to go and i understand all that. but i kinda feel cheated. like, i'm in CALIFORNIA! and i'm on campus everyday. let me explain campus, three buildings: two dorms (boys and girls, apt style) and an ac building that has two classrooms, two offices, a small chapel, library, and a lounge with a kitchen, complete with a field that makes me feel like I'm in the Lion King, and a parking lot in between the dorms and the school. sometimes people are generous and they let me tag along to trips into town. but yeah, so i feel kinda stupid for being here because i'm not doing a whole lot. but...on the other hand i am getting quite a bit of reading done, i've been reading the Bible everyday, my devos are getting done, and i think i'm warding off my hayfever by relentlessly being outside and next to windows! hah, that'll teach my allergies...hmm..anyway...so i am learning to see the bright side of things and to make the best of it here. i don't want to be a whiny baby and make a big deal out of things. i want to make the most of this that i can, because it may never happen again... but for a few minutes everyday i am kinda stupid. than i remind myself that it doesn't get any better than this. all those times when i was at school and wanted to be that person with nothing to do so that i could read or spend time with God, hey that's me now! so i remind myself of that and get peppy and happy again. and i understand what it's like to try and finish in the last week, trying to get packing, cleaning, finals, studying, papers, friend-time, next year plans, summer plans, job stuff, travel plans, and so on, all finished in the last week. (writing that out makes me feel like a louse while i sit here and complain about not going anywhere.) so even though there's not alot to do on campus, there is alot to do...if that makes any sense. i like it here. i have fallen in love with california and the people here are so great and God-filled and crazy. it is funny to hear what they think about canada though...=) just thought i would throw that in there. i am learning so much. about who i am, what i want to do, what God wants me to do, how to relax, how to grow up, how to be that P31 woman, and so forth. God is so good, so good.
on another note: i am now looking at another school...San Francisco Culinary Institute...yes, i may be going to school in cali next fall! MRR! anywho...yeah...today......(those dots...are so in...) Mrr! please pray for me. i don't as of yet have a peace about the Chicago CulinaryInstitute, we'll find out about that school on may 11th when i have my meeting...
Stats on the schools: SF: 7 1/2 months= certificate and possible job, in Cali, def. not living at home, guy called me until he got ahold of me, explained about school and what they're looking for in a student, sent me an info packet, complete with video, overnight express, made a phone date to call me again, was patient as i asked questions...
: C: 15 months = degree and job, in Chicago, not sure about living at home, guy really just sounded like he wanted me at the school....?, but was really nice and answered my questions...
yeah, so that's the dillio right now...i really like the peeps here...but if you remeber me...please pray that i am in God's will whatever i do. Oh, that's so important! mrr! i love and miss y'all! keep in touch!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
to you, my friends
It's really a blessing when you re-realize how wonderful and great your friends are.
Know that I love you and you have made my time at Briercrest amazing. That you have inspired me to be the person that I am today, and that your love toward me has made all the difference.
Know that I love you and you have made my time at Briercrest amazing. That you have inspired me to be the person that I am today, and that your love toward me has made all the difference.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
just a thought
wow. this has been an amazing year. i can't begin to describe how much i have grown and how much i have learned. i have amazing friends and a joyful heart. my plans for next year are in place and financially, i am looking pretty good. so, what else is there to say?
going home will be difficult. i have to admit that i'm not too keen on the idea of being home. it's like being excited and unsure all at the same time. i want to go home, but i'm afraid that i will be a different person there than i am here. i don't know if i am or not. i don't think that i am. perhaps satan is getting the better of me.
it sort of reminds me of yearbook signing...ok, hang in there with me. i was reading some of the comments that people wrote, yeah, i was curious. some comments made me cry. but i tried to think about how much they really know me. not that i am trying to discount what they have siad, but here there is always this sense of closeness, or of really knowing someone, but most of the time you just know the surface, perhaps a bit past the surface. but how much do we really know eachother?
than i was thinking about the people we really know. the ones that we hang out with all of the time and who know us to almost the deepest level. the ones who know who we are, who we are interested in, what our family is like, our dreams, desires, hopes for the future. what are they going to write in our yearbooks? they are the ones that really know us, for who we are right now. what are they going to write in our yearbook?
I guess that does it. =)
Sunday, April 10, 2005
the longest post ever...
So, it's been awhile. I am doing very well, just tired, y'know! Not sure what this summer will bring considering I am probably not going to camp now and going home to find a job and a place to live! We'll see. I know this may sound bizarre, but I am excited to be on my own and to pay my own bills. Have some responsibility...mrr.
Anywho, so, I was discussing with my one friend how cute this couple was (who happen to be friends of ours), but I said, "Yeah, they're real cute." in a tired sort of tone. And he just laughed and repeated me, and I said, "Well, y'know how I am." and than he said, "Crystal, I can't wait until you fall in love. I am gonna give you the hardest time." I know this may come as a shock, but the first thought that popped in my head was, "too bad you missed it." Yep, Crystal has a boy-past. I have to say that I would have given him everything. I would have gone anywhere for him. I would have done anything for him (unless it interfered with God's plan). (I was surprisingly God-aware at that age.) He was this amazing, God-filled man who was artistic, intelligent, good sense of humor, always had a group of people around him listening to him or asking his advice, well-read, and so much more. He was one of those guys who carried his Bible around with him. He had a good head on his shoulders. He ended up going to college, I was still in high school and something happened between us that summer. Unspoken (attraction and mutualness), but understood. After he left for college things changed, he died. He fell away from God and stopped coming to church. He started complaining and so many other little things. He stopped growing, he just stopped. Now he's living in the world, a victim of sadness, and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. Heck, I was praying about him since the 7th grade! Yeah, dork, right here. It reminds me of that Billie Holiday song that she sings about "carrying the torch for Jim." But, this is my journey, for the last few years it's been the first song....the second is what I am in the process of doing: picking up my heart, giving it to God, and letting Him heal the heck out of me. I love God with all of my soul, might, and mind. He's everything to me, even above this guy, I would serve God, I did serve God, and mostly, that's why things never worked out. Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Perhaps it's part of the healing process. But, I know you won't look down on me, I know that it won't affect your opinion of me. I don't know why either of those things matter either, but I know that they're true. I know that God saved me from something that would be far worse if anything had ever become official. It's the world we live in, full of heartache and tragedy, but full of hope and grace and mercy. Hope that there's Someone and will be someone who will love me as much as I love Him/him. Grace for holding on so long and for making mistakes. Mercy b/c I can wake up each day and know that that day will be so full of life, love, and hope, more than the day before. I love my Jesus. I love Him with all of my heart, broken as it may be. Love ending is never the end. Compromise in this part of your life is never acceptable. I didn't compromise, I don't regret it, but it doesn't mean it won't need time to heal, or be difficult to overcome. Especially when the Devil is our adversary. He's unrelenting in his lies, but our God is so much bigger. He's awesome. He's great, better than Tony the Tiger! Anywho, here are the songs that sort of flag my journey of love for the past, oh, 4 years...grade 12-now.
White Flag:
i know you think I shouldn't still love you or tell you that
but if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that
i promise i'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were but
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
i know i left too much mess and destruction to come back again
and i cause nothing but trouble, i understand if you can't talk to me again
and if you live by the rules of it's over then i'm sure that that makes sense but
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
and when we meet, which i'm sure we will
all that was there, will be there still
i'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
and you will think, that i've moved on
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
Song 2: see you when you're 40
i've driven round in circles for three hours
it was bound to happen that i'd end up at yours
i temporarily forgot there's better days to come
i thought that i would give it just one more chance
cos i want, tonight, what i've been waiting for
but i found, tonight, what i'd been warned about
you think you are complicated, deep mystery to all
well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
all energy no meaning, with a lot of words
so paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down
cos i want, tonight, what i've been waiting for
but i found, tonight, what i'd been warned about
so see you when you're 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad
you think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today i wouldn't have picked you out
i wouldn't have picked you out
now i've seen, tonight, how could i waste my time
and i'll be on my way, and i won't be back
but i seen, tonight, what i'd been warned about
you're just a boy, not a man, and i'm not coming back
I know that this second song sounds harsh and i obviously don't mean all of it, but i see it as a song that says, "I'm moving on, you've changed. I thought you were someone else, i thought your words were true, but i was wrong and I have to turn and walk away, or I'll be stuck here forever. Goodbye." But I was struck by a few lines, because they hit so close to home as to who this guy is, and it's sad, it really is.
So, this is me. I'm putting up my white flag. It's over.
Anywho, so, I was discussing with my one friend how cute this couple was (who happen to be friends of ours), but I said, "Yeah, they're real cute." in a tired sort of tone. And he just laughed and repeated me, and I said, "Well, y'know how I am." and than he said, "Crystal, I can't wait until you fall in love. I am gonna give you the hardest time." I know this may come as a shock, but the first thought that popped in my head was, "too bad you missed it." Yep, Crystal has a boy-past. I have to say that I would have given him everything. I would have gone anywhere for him. I would have done anything for him (unless it interfered with God's plan). (I was surprisingly God-aware at that age.) He was this amazing, God-filled man who was artistic, intelligent, good sense of humor, always had a group of people around him listening to him or asking his advice, well-read, and so much more. He was one of those guys who carried his Bible around with him. He had a good head on his shoulders. He ended up going to college, I was still in high school and something happened between us that summer. Unspoken (attraction and mutualness), but understood. After he left for college things changed, he died. He fell away from God and stopped coming to church. He started complaining and so many other little things. He stopped growing, he just stopped. Now he's living in the world, a victim of sadness, and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. Heck, I was praying about him since the 7th grade! Yeah, dork, right here. It reminds me of that Billie Holiday song that she sings about "carrying the torch for Jim." But, this is my journey, for the last few years it's been the first song....the second is what I am in the process of doing: picking up my heart, giving it to God, and letting Him heal the heck out of me. I love God with all of my soul, might, and mind. He's everything to me, even above this guy, I would serve God, I did serve God, and mostly, that's why things never worked out. Why am I telling you this? I don't know. Perhaps it's part of the healing process. But, I know you won't look down on me, I know that it won't affect your opinion of me. I don't know why either of those things matter either, but I know that they're true. I know that God saved me from something that would be far worse if anything had ever become official. It's the world we live in, full of heartache and tragedy, but full of hope and grace and mercy. Hope that there's Someone and will be someone who will love me as much as I love Him/him. Grace for holding on so long and for making mistakes. Mercy b/c I can wake up each day and know that that day will be so full of life, love, and hope, more than the day before. I love my Jesus. I love Him with all of my heart, broken as it may be. Love ending is never the end. Compromise in this part of your life is never acceptable. I didn't compromise, I don't regret it, but it doesn't mean it won't need time to heal, or be difficult to overcome. Especially when the Devil is our adversary. He's unrelenting in his lies, but our God is so much bigger. He's awesome. He's great, better than Tony the Tiger! Anywho, here are the songs that sort of flag my journey of love for the past, oh, 4 years...grade 12-now.
White Flag:
i know you think I shouldn't still love you or tell you that
but if i didn't say it well i'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that
i promise i'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were but
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
i know i left too much mess and destruction to come back again
and i cause nothing but trouble, i understand if you can't talk to me again
and if you live by the rules of it's over then i'm sure that that makes sense but
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
and when we meet, which i'm sure we will
all that was there, will be there still
i'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
and you will think, that i've moved on
i will go down with this ship and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door, i'm in love and always will be
Song 2: see you when you're 40
i've driven round in circles for three hours
it was bound to happen that i'd end up at yours
i temporarily forgot there's better days to come
i thought that i would give it just one more chance
cos i want, tonight, what i've been waiting for
but i found, tonight, what i'd been warned about
you think you are complicated, deep mystery to all
well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
all energy no meaning, with a lot of words
so paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down
cos i want, tonight, what i've been waiting for
but i found, tonight, what i'd been warned about
so see you when you're 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad
you think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today i wouldn't have picked you out
i wouldn't have picked you out
now i've seen, tonight, how could i waste my time
and i'll be on my way, and i won't be back
but i seen, tonight, what i'd been warned about
you're just a boy, not a man, and i'm not coming back
I know that this second song sounds harsh and i obviously don't mean all of it, but i see it as a song that says, "I'm moving on, you've changed. I thought you were someone else, i thought your words were true, but i was wrong and I have to turn and walk away, or I'll be stuck here forever. Goodbye." But I was struck by a few lines, because they hit so close to home as to who this guy is, and it's sad, it really is.
So, this is me. I'm putting up my white flag. It's over.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Yeah: Part 2
Yeah. Got out of class awhile ago. Am fighting off the second cold of the year. My first one came a little late. But yeah. So I am so on fire spiritually. I love God so much! It's times like these where your body is kinda meh, but your spirit is just soaring that you look at life and at God and say, "things are really going great."
Friday, April 01, 2005
Tidbits
Fun fact for today: rubies are worth more than diamonds.
I was unaware of that. So anywho, I spent the majority of this morning with God so far, and it is so good! I read John 14 this morning also. Oh it's full of so much good stuff.
The beginning and the end are sooo sooo great!
Here's some for y'all:
vs 1-4; 30-31: "Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know where I am going and how to get there....I don't have much more time to talk to you, because the prince of this world approaches. He has not power over me, but I will do what the Father requires of me, so that the world will know that I love the Father. Come let's be going."
Yeah, that's right. Spoken by the Savior himself. Mmmm.
Peace.
I was unaware of that. So anywho, I spent the majority of this morning with God so far, and it is so good! I read John 14 this morning also. Oh it's full of so much good stuff.
The beginning and the end are sooo sooo great!
Here's some for y'all:
vs 1-4; 30-31: "Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know where I am going and how to get there....I don't have much more time to talk to you, because the prince of this world approaches. He has not power over me, but I will do what the Father requires of me, so that the world will know that I love the Father. Come let's be going."
Yeah, that's right. Spoken by the Savior himself. Mmmm.
Peace.
Smook in the pidoodle
Here's a good, fun, smook in the pidoodle:
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are you ways My ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways." Isaiah 55:8-9
God is so good!
Peace friends!
"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are you ways My ways, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways." Isaiah 55:8-9
God is so good!
Peace friends!
Struggles
Hey, so I guess this is an observation/prayer request.
Lately around the C-Port, yes, the rumors are true, spring is here. But it always hits just alittle before the calendarially-appointed time. People are hooking up left and right and things just seem to get crazy, no wonder there isn't anywhere to hang out, couples are overtaking the atmosphere! Yes, I say it in fun. I am so happy for those that God has put together and bonded in this amazing way that only God can do. But I also put prayers out there for those that have forced or gone "behind" God's back, pursay, to get into an ungodly relationship.
On an amazing note, God is sooooooo wonderful and great and amazing and wondrous, glorious, good, grand, almighty, moving, strong and strengthening, beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, He is everything. I feel so small and immature sometimes and undeserving. But He loves me. HE love me. Go figure. Who can? Literally it makes me want to cry, right now. I was in worship today and we sang "Take the World, but give me Jesus." That is the cry of my heart. Take everything that is worthless and unneeded and give me Jesus. It's so wonderful to be able to serve Him. Even through picking up trash on the street, flashing genuine smiles to friends, foes, and strangers, giving anonymous gifts, or congratulating someone in a new relationship. Wow. How blessed we are. How largely blessed. It makes me want to run around and scream at the top of my lungs, "He loves me!" Maybe I should! *wink* What can I say that would be worthy of the King? What can I say? Think? He has helped me to love myself to a whole new level. To be the woman that He wants me to be. It is unexplainable what works and wonders He has and is doing in my life. Who can keep tabs? I'd be writing all day long. Heaven truly will be the most wonderful place if I can stand at the foot of the cross and praise my Savior forever, what am I waiting for though, I can do it now. God bless y'all! Thanks for letting me share. It means alot! God bless you. Peace.
God, thank you for the ways in which you are blessing my friends and for the special ways you are showing them Your love. Keep them always in You and focused on You above all else and above all others. Keep them with open ears and eyes to Your words to them. Help them to be able to relinquish the relationship if it is to be so. Help them to bathe and drench the relationship in prayer. Keep them in Your guidelines and in Your Mighty Hand, for in Your Hand they can't go wrong.
P.s. Yes, this isn't the original. I did some work on it, the other one is way, way longer. So if you really want the lowdown, put your e-mail down and perhaps I might get around to e-mailing you the full one.
Lately around the C-Port, yes, the rumors are true, spring is here. But it always hits just alittle before the calendarially-appointed time. People are hooking up left and right and things just seem to get crazy, no wonder there isn't anywhere to hang out, couples are overtaking the atmosphere! Yes, I say it in fun. I am so happy for those that God has put together and bonded in this amazing way that only God can do. But I also put prayers out there for those that have forced or gone "behind" God's back, pursay, to get into an ungodly relationship.
On an amazing note, God is sooooooo wonderful and great and amazing and wondrous, glorious, good, grand, almighty, moving, strong and strengthening, beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, He is everything. I feel so small and immature sometimes and undeserving. But He loves me. HE love me. Go figure. Who can? Literally it makes me want to cry, right now. I was in worship today and we sang "Take the World, but give me Jesus." That is the cry of my heart. Take everything that is worthless and unneeded and give me Jesus. It's so wonderful to be able to serve Him. Even through picking up trash on the street, flashing genuine smiles to friends, foes, and strangers, giving anonymous gifts, or congratulating someone in a new relationship. Wow. How blessed we are. How largely blessed. It makes me want to run around and scream at the top of my lungs, "He loves me!" Maybe I should! *wink* What can I say that would be worthy of the King? What can I say? Think? He has helped me to love myself to a whole new level. To be the woman that He wants me to be. It is unexplainable what works and wonders He has and is doing in my life. Who can keep tabs? I'd be writing all day long. Heaven truly will be the most wonderful place if I can stand at the foot of the cross and praise my Savior forever, what am I waiting for though, I can do it now. God bless y'all! Thanks for letting me share. It means alot! God bless you. Peace.
God, thank you for the ways in which you are blessing my friends and for the special ways you are showing them Your love. Keep them always in You and focused on You above all else and above all others. Keep them with open ears and eyes to Your words to them. Help them to be able to relinquish the relationship if it is to be so. Help them to bathe and drench the relationship in prayer. Keep them in Your guidelines and in Your Mighty Hand, for in Your Hand they can't go wrong.
P.s. Yes, this isn't the original. I did some work on it, the other one is way, way longer. So if you really want the lowdown, put your e-mail down and perhaps I might get around to e-mailing you the full one.
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