I know, I know...

So, I am back and quite aware that I should have left.
Exciting news: I have retired my journal, it was quite sad and I miss it, but I got to go to my bookshelf and pick out, prayfully, the next one that will serve me through the next half-a-year. I am super excited and have a craving to write in it..ooo....new journals are so exciting! (Jesus, I want to talk!) I am also in a YAM (young adult ministry) group that really has no church affiliation (long story), I am excited. They are coming skating on Saturday and I am going to the Pastor's house on Sunday evening to hang out with them! I love making new friends! I hope I don't overwhelm them! But they liked my fudge, so it's all good! That really gets me pumped! My College Success class started yesterday, feels like today though! It should be a good class.
Today went wonderfully, mostly b/c I had great directions and someone here helping me both shifts with the food! Whoo! Good times. I'm kinda tired now. Do still have homework. Don't want to leave yet. I feel like I have something to do, but I can't find it. Do you ever just have those moments when you are like, " ". I don't know quite what it is, but it's (holding up hands and wondering, trying to pinpoint " ". ) Not sure.
Today it was about 20 minutes til serving time (we have a group here) and I was starting to stare at the counter. You know when your eyes glaze over and things just get hazey? Yeah. It's almost relaxing but the world seems to spin around in slow motion and time stops for a moment or two, until you pull yourself out of the "haze" and back into reality. While in this "haze" I realized that there was still quite a bit of work to do and I had to go do it, but those are the times it is even more difficult to get out of it, I find. When your mind is still aware, wondering if even your body is real, wondering if even itself is truly in existence. Just those moments when the nothing is tangible and all you are is kind of standing in the midst of a made-up world, with nothing but Jesus to keep you here. Standing and wondering, "Is this even real?" Sometimes I feel like I am in a movie and I have to keep going, not sure why, no goals, just knowing that I have to keep going, keep working, and keeping on. Sometimes that is a really weak reason. Just knowing. Sometimes I sit and wonder about doing my homework. I sit and stare at it and wonder if it's real. Is class real? What's the point of doing this? Than I snap out of it and realize, even though it might not still feel real, that I have to get it done and if I don't there will be consequences. Someone once told me that I was just homesick. Perhaps I'm just tired. But it doesn't take away my love of math, or of Jesus. I find solitude and peace in His Word and in talking to Him, it's in those hazey moments of my life that everything else can fade away and all I know is, that if nothing else exists, He does, and it's the knowledge of that that keeps me going.