I was supposed to drive home with Kacy (from Oregon) and than drive back for some MBC snow fun! Wootwoot! But, she is unable to make it...*sad face*. Her car is poo and she isn't feeling right about coming. So...I tried to assure her that it was alright, she was kind of upset cause she knew I was looking forward to it. Today I talked to my sister on the phone and she was pretty much sad that I said I might not come home, but said that whatever God wanted was best. I know I didn't go home last year for Christmas, and this year, I just don't feel right about it. I know it's not good to base things off of feelings, but I've just been praying about it and I have had this feeling for a while like God didn't want me home this year. Why? Who knows. I sure don't. I know that I want to be obedient to whatever God has planned for me. I know that much. I know that I won't completely screw up the universe if I decide to make the wrong choice. Is it really this difficult? Am I making it harder than it seems? There are so many good reasons, I guess, to go home, and seemingly so few to stay here. But why is it that when I look at Greyhound tickets or an Amtrak ride, it feels like I am disobeying Him? Is this one of those sitch's where I just need to make a decision? I am at a loss right now. I am still joyful and ready to study for finals next week, but struggling with this decision. My family will be hurt if I don't go home and I am craving a few moments of time with Laureen. I would like to see my church family again and pick up a few things that I would like to have here, but why does it feel like something is wrong? This is one of those times when I think I just have to trust God that His best is out there and whatever I can see (which isn't much) is not even a miniscule part of what He has planned for me. mrr.
Anywho...I sent out a bunch of support letters today...mrr! Pray for them please, they are important to my thriving here. Yes I am surviving, but thriving is so much better.
I spent half my workday doing that and than half my work day dry mopping and than wet mopping the gym. Whoo! Blisters are a welcomed on me hands, I tell ya!
Oh, I had suppers 8 (a group of 8 or 10...from my church here(Berean Fellowship Church) get together and eat and talk) on Thursday! God is so good. He is continually faithful to get me in and out of town when needed. (which reminds me, I have to call for a ride for church tomorrow) But that is another story about that...but during the talking time which was after the eating time...ooo....let's break so I can tell you about supper....we had this amazing salad (mixed greens, mixed nuts, homemade salad dressing, broken up ramen noodles...ooo), breaded halibut (from Alaska of all places! caught by the host himself!) and another fish...(name escapes me...), savory potatoes, homemade bisquick rolls, and this amazing peach cobbler...oh, so very amazingly good! But yeah, so we were talking and got on the subject of society, love, and need. Which kind of connects to what I talked about before (man, I'm kinda hungry...). But the host said, "Love is the act of fulfilling a need." I thought that was so interesting that he said it...I also tried really hard to remember that! But also about what the different sexes need at a high school age (boys-respect/ girls-security). I was just blessed throughout the evening with the conversation and just how they were talking about how we were all family and if someone had a need than share it and all this. It was refreshing and I have to admit, it was making me cry. It was like God saying, "hey, it's ok to ask for what you need." meeting a need is like saying "I love you" to someone, I guess, because you care enough about them to take the time out or to make the sacrifice to get that other person what they need. So many do without because they are afraid of asking or afraid of rejection or whatever. But could it be more detrimental to your health, body, soul, and mind to put that aside and ignore what God built into you as a need? A need is meant to be met, otherwise God wouldn't have built it into you as a need. Independence is definitely a pusher when it comes to stifling needs. But on the other hand you are taking the chance of telling someone, who might not love you enough to meet your need, something that could cause some mrrmrrness between you. Y'know? I don't know. Any aspect of relationships seems so tricky! Did God mean for it to be this way? Surely not. Always guessing, always wondering. Man...but I guess if everyone was really blunt about everything, we'd all be pretty badly off. Everyone would hate eachother. Maybe not...now I am just babbling. But, the point is, is that everyone has needs. Are we watching for those people who are not yet ready to come out and ask for us to meet that need, so we can meet their need without them even asking? If you do, it's kind of like saying, "Hey, I care about you. It's ok to ask if you need something. Even if you can't ask, I'm watching out for you." Yeah. Hugs, encouragement, rides, smiles...those are all things that I need. I have to admit that sometimes people do notice the need and meet it, but sometimes I have to be brave and ask. So it's a two-way thing. Relationships...although in the tough times they may be 20-80 or 60-40 instead of 50-50, they should never be 0-100. Y'know? yeah.
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