learning

Hey hey! It's me and back with more exciting news from the 'hood....*wink*
So, I love Chicago. I was there last week and this week and I just love it. The prospect, reality, and hope of going to school there makes me giddy. The reality that I do not have enough confidence in myself does not. I came to the realization that the only reason I am having doubts about this school is that I am not fully confident in my abilities (and i am getting some financial "eghs" from my parents), yet I am. I know that I can do this. I understand that when I am going in as a beginner, that it means I am going to learn something, right? So it doesn't matter whether or not I am perfect or whatnot, the entire reason to go there is to, first of all: obey God, and also to learn and become good at what I am to do. I was always afraid to try new things, not in the sense that I was afraid to do them, but rather was afraid that people would look down on me because I didn't know what I was doing. But what is the point of going to a class or somewhere to learn something if you are not willing to learn? That sounds so stupid. In a sense, I guess it stems from the fact that my dad, in particular, happens to be good at everything, if he isn't good at it, he knows someone who is amazing at it. I grew up with the standard of perfection. Be perfect or get out. If you're not perfect, what are you doing here? There is no room for learning because you should already know everything, and you should be good at it. I'm sure that isn't the message he wanted to send, but as I am back at home and dealing with this, that is the way it seems. Even the uncontrollable is required to be under control. To some extent it is ridiculous. However, that is why we learn. Oh, and am I learning and growing and realizing. I have a lot to work on, but I have come so far. I am currently cleaning out my room. It's going to be good when it all gets done. But right now, I feel like I am trying to climb Mt Everest without warm clothing. But I am determined.
I know that I can do this, and culinary school. Doubts are natural and alright, as long as they don't control me or let me believe things that are contrary to what God is telling and teaching me. It's gonna be good. I just have a case of the nerves!
However, my passion is ignited every time I watch Iron Chef or see some cooking/baking show on tv. I found out that my great-great grandmother was a baker before she got married. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I read that. This was in a report I did when I was younger, probably junior high history class. Just a suggestion: go through old reports and find the ones that the teachers made you write about your goals for when you got older. Look at what you wanted then, and what you want now and what you thought you would have accomplished at this age, when you were at that age, and what you have actually accomplished. I found some of those and was smiling at my childish hopes and dreams. It was good. But if I had had my way, I would be on a horse farm with two of my old best-friends trying to sell eggs for extra money. (surprisingly, it's still a childish dream of mine... =)