perhaps it's petty...

You know those times when you just get so disappointed you feel like someone ripped out your heart and made you eat it? That sounds really gross, but that's kinda how I feel right now. This is going to sound nuts to all of you, but I had tried out for the musical at church and I got the part of the Storyteller! I was so excited and jumped around and thought, "Man, what did I get myself in to?" I just couldn't believe it. I got picked! It was so great. I realized though that I was leaving for Mexico and would miss like, four or five of the practices, one being a dress rehearsal. Not good. So I called the music pastor and explained and he told me to come in prepared and than he and his assistant would decide what the best thing to do would be. I went, it went awesome! I was so prepared, not as prepared as I could have been, but I spent hours practicing and tried to get every detail up to par for the "second audition." It went very well. They told me they'd call me today and I left with a headache and just worried about it. I was trying my best to give it to God and leave it at His feet, but it was so difficult, it has been an ongoing process. I talked to Michael last night and he was saying how he was worried about the fall and than finally, he just let it go and let God take care of it. Whatever's supposed to happen will. So, with that in mind, I went inside and read an Archie comic and munced on my fav, Cheez'its. I'd been "working" all day. I needed a break. Than to bed. Woke up this morning pretty 'g (good). Had an amazing morning and got a lot of my stuff done at work, still stuff to do...=) Anywho...I came to terms that it wasn't gonna happen. Logically, it just didn't come out right. I knew it, but I clung to the hope that I would stay put, with a deathgrip...so the pastor called and told me that he gave my part to someone else, but would like me to do a solo and a trio part instead. So, he gave me a sort of compensation part. I am truly grateful. I know this must seem trivial to you all, but I feel so ridiculously hurt. It's like knowing reality and being prepared for it, but you'll never be fully prepared. The sitch stinks real bad, worse than a run-over skunk. But I know that God has a part in it and that He is working through it. I'm just trying to figure out what it is that He's trying to teach me. Though I have the capabilities to do all that was planned, I don't have the time. What does that mean? In my life right now? Perhaps it's God saying, "You can't have all that you want right now." He only gives us what we can handle right? I guess I couldn't handle it. God gave it to someone else who could, but it's not like that scenario that says, "If you pass up an opportunity, someone else will take it." I took hold of the opportunity, and it passed me up. What does that mean? Not all opportunities are meant to be, though they may be grasped and held on to, sometimes, for your own health, it's better to let go because if you do, someone else will benefit. I sort of feel like I shared an opportunity. Like I was so excited to get it, yet I couldn't so now someone else will get the joy of this opportunity. Perhaps their family is all here and they can partake in the joy with her alot better than my family can. I know that God is in control and that He is loving me and caring for me in every way possible, and this is one of those ways...sometimes it just takes time for the heart to catch up with the mind though, eh?
Daddy knows best.